Sunday, February 10, 2013


A tiny picture box... WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!

After almost 2 years of an inner battle that left my insides bruised and black, I have finally taken the leap and made my first video! And it. was. terrifying. I am literally shaking as I type this. There's no plausible reason why I should be feeling this kind of terror. I'm doing this for myself and not for anyone else, so it's not the possibility of people hating my videos that makes me quake with fear. I'm really just scared that someone from my real life is going to find it. There's this tiny voice inside my head that keeps saying Your parents are going to see it. Your teachers are going to see it. Kids at your school are going to see it. THE WHOLE WORLD WILL SEE IT. But what remains unknown is why I'm so scared of these people finding out that I'm passionate about YouTube. It's not some dirty little secret that I'm ashamed of. I'm not worried about being mocked or ridiculed. Then why? Why do I twitch as I fill in the video description? Why am I paranoid that every time my parents walk downstairs, they're going to say those dreaded words, "I found your YouTube videos."

Maybe this is something that will fade with time or maybe I'll just have to learn to deal with the fidgeting digits. The bottom line is, this is what I want to be doing. And I can't let this small fear keep me from it.

Friday, February 8, 2013

This is important chiz.

There are times, Blog, when a girl loses track of her priorities--when distractions cloud her goals and ambitions, and she forgets what she has set out to gain. And then there are times when she is acting like plain ol' butt nugget, suffering from chronic couchitis. Obviously, my enthusiasm for writing has undergone a sufficient decrease since Blogmas. But honestly, I'm okay with putting this writing project on the back burner for now. It's not like I'm giving up--I'm still planning on posting every week. Granted, those posts will probably be written in a blazing haste at 9 PM on a Saturday, but sometimes we have to force ourselves into doing stuff, even if it's stuff we want to be doing. I'm not going to apologize for not posting, because aside from the brief Gilmore Girls binge I went on last weekend, the things I was doing were more important. You know what? I take it back. It was incredibly important that I watch 11 episodes of Gilmore Girls.

So that being said, why don't I talk to you about some of the important things that have been the recent goings-on lately?

In my town, we have this tiny, little theater that was built in the 60s and shows old movies for 3 bucks. (Not old old movies. Just ones that have already been out in theaters for a couple months.) It's one of the cutest places you will ever go: the bathroom's color scheme is coral and aqua and there's a large wall featuring the heads of several smiling celebrities. I'm not exactly sure what the relevance of these stars and starlets (why doesn't media use the term starlet anymore?) is--whether they saw a movie there themselves or maybe the theater just showed a movie with them in it. (My personal theory is that it's a hit wall, and the entire theater is just a cover-up for a mass celebrity-murdering crime syndicate.) So yeah, I really like the place. Last week, my sister and I went there to see (myself for the second time, her for the 3rd) The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I don't normally go see movies for a second time in theaters, but I opted to with Perks because the first time I saw it, I was crying for a good 3/4 of the scenes--most of them not even sad. I'd cry at simple, beautiful things like Charlie seeing Sam for the first time, illuminated by the stadium lights, and the trio dancing to Come On, Eileen at homecoming. And Secret Santa. Dear Lord, Secret Santa. So I thought if it was my second time watching it, I wouldn't be as emotional. Oh, how wrong I was. It's such a special story to me and to a lot of other people as well. The movie did a fantastic--if not perfect--job of taking every moment of "you are not alone" from the book and using it to its full potential by adding those beautiful shots and talented actors to the words. Plus every bit of Ezra Miller's dialogue is hilarious. ("Why are you trying to EAT CHRISTMAS?")

Also last week, TV suffered the greatest lost it's ever known when the final episode of 30 Rock aired. I was introduced to 30 Rock 4 years ago by a friend (Margo) and since then, it's been my heart's song. Liz Lemon is everything I've ever wanted to be: writer, lover of cheese puffs, and married to James  Marsden. How could I pass up on such a flawless role model? But really, this show had the smartest, sharpest comedy I've ever experienced. I'm so fortunate that I got to spend the years I did with it. And thank goodness I have shows like Community and Arrested Development to continue to balance out all the garbage my brain intakes from Glee. (I love it, but it really is a terrible show.)

And I just realized that the two events that I deemed more important than my writing are a movie and a tv show. PRIORITIES.