Sunday, February 10, 2013


A tiny picture box... WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!

After almost 2 years of an inner battle that left my insides bruised and black, I have finally taken the leap and made my first video! And it. was. terrifying. I am literally shaking as I type this. There's no plausible reason why I should be feeling this kind of terror. I'm doing this for myself and not for anyone else, so it's not the possibility of people hating my videos that makes me quake with fear. I'm really just scared that someone from my real life is going to find it. There's this tiny voice inside my head that keeps saying Your parents are going to see it. Your teachers are going to see it. Kids at your school are going to see it. THE WHOLE WORLD WILL SEE IT. But what remains unknown is why I'm so scared of these people finding out that I'm passionate about YouTube. It's not some dirty little secret that I'm ashamed of. I'm not worried about being mocked or ridiculed. Then why? Why do I twitch as I fill in the video description? Why am I paranoid that every time my parents walk downstairs, they're going to say those dreaded words, "I found your YouTube videos."

Maybe this is something that will fade with time or maybe I'll just have to learn to deal with the fidgeting digits. The bottom line is, this is what I want to be doing. And I can't let this small fear keep me from it.

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