Friday, April 5, 2013

BEDA #5 - Nothing To Do But Smile

Hi again. I feel like a regretful 5-year-old who's come crawling back to his mother after a large tantrum seeking forgiveness. What I'm trying to say is, sorry I got all Secret Life of the Despondent Teenager on you there. I try to act like a rational person, I really do. It's like my mind is a pair of fraternal twins on a cartoon show--one is completely cool and collected while the other is a crazed psychopath. I'm hoping this is what all teenagers go through and I'm not actually severely damaged or anything.

So, I'm in a better mood today. And for absolutely no reason at all. Nothing about today was different from any other day. In fact, I spent most of the day in the same state of perpetual gloom that I've become accustomed to lo these many weeks. I woke up and I was grumpy.  I didn't write my novel and I was grumpy. I filmed a video and I pretended not to be grumpy. I worked out and showered and went to rehearsal. Then I came home. I sat down at the computer and logged onto blogger and, I don't know, I just felt better. Like, what was the point of being so down? Maybe if I cheered up a bit--changed perspectives or looked at things through a different light--everything would lighten up.

And now I'm writing and the world seems so not horrible I want to sing. Is that weird? Am I crazy? Who am I kidding, the answer is yes. But I can't help being crazy. And even if my crazy sometimes makes me feel blighted and broken, well, I guess I don't mind as long as I get to feel like this afterwards.

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