Saturday, December 22, 2012

Why I'll Never Be Successful

This might come as somewhat of a shock to you, but I try to do things well. When the things I work on come out like Rebecca Black's music, it's not out of lack of effort. It's because I genuinely suck at things.

For instance, I have about as tough a time coming up with topics for this blog as the Glee writer's have making up far-fetched reasons to bring old cast members back for Season 4. In case you haven't noticed, I usually write about whatever crazy-ass thought pops into my head as soon as I sit down in front of my monitor (hence yesterday's post).

Sometimes, I'll be shopping, or schooling, or just generally gracing the outside world with my presence, and I'll have an idea for a blog post so I write it down on my hand. Well, the last couple of nights, my sleep schedule has been a little off, which means that I go to bed at 4 in the morning and don't wake up until 2. I get pretty delirious when I'm tired, (Example: two years ago at my friend's 14th birthday party, I chugged an entire 2 liter bottle of Sprite, giving me an insane sugar buzz for about an hour, before crashing harder than the plane in that new Denzel Washington movie. Long story short: me. At 2 A.M.. Laughing so hard that I begin crying. Not the funny, ha-ha-I'm-laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying crying. I mean the sobbing-I-just-watched-Titanic-and-feel-so-alone-I'll-never-have-a-love-like-theirs' crying. It was traumatizing for everyone in the room, but things lightened once I rubbed chocolate frosting all over my nose. Like I said, delirious.) so last night at approximately 4:05 in the morning I get the idea for the best blog post ever. Like, if there was an award for most awesome-amazing-awe-inspiring-here-have-yacht-you're-such-a-good-writer blog post, they would give it to this post in a second. So I get a pen, and write the idea on my hand before passing out on the couch. Next morning, I wake up and look at my hand to find a poorly scrawled message in black sharpie written there. This message, the idea that would win me numerous blogger awards and send me spiraling across the interwebs for my comic intellect that would inspire a generation, was: "Grinch." *INFINITE HEADDESK*

So, I wrote this masterpiece instead.

3 days till Christmas. In the immortal words of Jay-Z, that s--- cray.

Tonight's ABC Family 25 Days of Christmas Feature: The Santa Clause 2
Christmas-tastic Thing of the Day: Grinch. Duh.

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